Dress For Success (Alternatively: Don't Call Your Boss A Whore)
by LightningStarborne
Summary: General Roy Mustang has been called a whore more times than he ever cared to count. However, this is the first time that someone who is about to become his subordinate has done so. (Even if he doesn't know who Roy is.) Honestly, he's just really excited to see the man's face when he walks into work tomorrow.


James took a deep breath and looked around at his friends. They were standing in front of a brothel run by a woman known as "Madam Christmas." It was a fairly well known bar, if you knew the right people, and James wanted to gather some info before tomorrow. Brothels were perfect for info gathering, and the info was easy to get as long as you were polite. Besides, it was always nice to be prepared.

Tomorrow when they would start a six month long training session known as "Simulator" where five cadets would be sent to serve under an officer between the ranks of "Colonel" and "Major General." This time they were sent to serve under General Mustang, who they knew of but knew nothing about. James, and his friends Chris, Jon, and Alex were all part of this group. The fifth member, Jason, was their rival.

He wasn't a bad officer, but he was a jerk. He was intelligent, but he could never figure out how to take "no" for an answer. He constantly ignored orders in favor of his own path; which wouldn't be a problem if the side routes ever worked.

Jason also absolutely worshipped Mustang. He didn't even know what the man looked like (it was pretty difficult to get pictures out where their particular training was, and their superiors had hid them to mess with the cadets) but the man had heard rumours. Not only about his beauty, but his intelligence, power, and money as well.

James was half hoping that Jason tried to proposition the General, if only to see the General's reaction. He was pretty sure Jason had done it several times to various superior officers, but James wasn't sure. The difference, this time, was that Jason was practically in love with the idea of this particular superior officer. As per Jason Code, he probably wouldn't take no for an answer and would (hopefully) finally be kicked out of the military.

James wasn't holding out hope, though.

Chris bumped James shoulder and said "Come on, this was your idea, mate. What was it you said? Whores always have the best information?"

James sighed and corrected him. "No, I said that they're smarter than most people give them credit for and that we may be able to get information talking to them," he raised an eyebrow at his friends. "If any of you actually want to sleep with one, you are more than welcome to, but be good to them and be careful. You hurt them, and I bet they will cut your balls or your head off while you sleep, if they don't already have someone else willing to do so. We also have work tomorrow."

"Not until noon," Alex stated blandly.

"Still! We should be well rested to report into our temporary General," James said. "He determines our future."

"Fine, fine," Jon stated while grinning. "But if a hot girl and guy gang up and ask me for a threesome, I won't be able to turn them down and I'll just have to deal."

"I don't think that anyone would do something like that for you, Jon," Alex told him.

"I'm hurt!" Jon said, placing a hand over his heart as if pained.

James' look was full of skepticism as they stepped into the bar. As soon as they entered a pretty girl approached them as smiled sweetly. James could practically hear Jon and Chris's brains short-circuit.

James sighed and smiled back at the girl before apologising for them.

The girl's laugh was genuine and she smirked at James. "Don't worry, I'm used to it. Boys look so beautifully stunned when I smile at them," she told them, before informing them to sit anywhere.

The four of them thanked her (Jon and Chris still sounding slightly dazed) and sat in a booth near the bar. James was the one to walk up to the counter and grab them beers. (They were very nice and very expensive, so they couldn't get too much.)

The woman at the bar didn't seem like a mere bartender, so when she gave him their glasses he decided to make conversation.

"Good evening, ma'am," he said, going for the polite route. "Thank you for the drinks."

The woman's look said she was pleased, but unimpressed. "You're welcome."

"It is a pleasure to see such a lovely lady in such a lovely place," he told her, and she snorted.

"You're a big liar," she said. "I like it, but it doesn't stop them from being lies."

James smiled, loving his often played game. "Ah, but I'm not lying," he told her. "You are very beautiful, and it is a pleasure to have met you."

"Take your drinks and sit with your friends," she told him dismissively, and James thought he saw a man in a booth smother his laughter in his whisky. "You're lucky you have a pretty face to make up for your lying tendencies."

Her words were irritated, but her tone and body language said that she enjoyed these kinds if games just as much as James did. So James merely gave her his best smile and grabbed his drinks.

"It was a pleasure speaking with you, ma'am," he stated as he walked away.

She merely waved and lit a cigarette, smiling.

When he sat down, his friends all started complaining. James knew his tendency to flatter people annoyed his friends, but they had all quickly learned that there was a reason that James was generally well liked. Despite what most people had said, it wasn't because of his pretty face. One of his commanding officers had tried to make it that way, and James had almost punched him in the face.

As they talked James noticed that both Alex and Jon's eyes were wandering to James' left. He followed their gases (much to their embarrassment) and saw the man who had been laughing during his conversation with the probably-not-just-a-bartender. James smothered his own laughter before picking up all of his friends' drinks and his own and walked over to the man's table. He seemed mildly surprised that they had actually come over.

"Do you mind if we sit here?" James said over his friends' protests.

The man smiled and swept his hand at the almost empty booth as if saying "there's room."

"Thank you," James said as he sat across from the man. Alex and Chris sat next to James on his side if the booth while Jon decided to sit next to the mystery man.  
"I'm Jon," Jon stated. "That's James, he's Alex, and that's Chris."

"I'm Roy," the man said. "Wonderful to meet you all."

"Likewise," Jon said. "Especially when someone is as beautiful as you."

And the man was beautiful. His clothing was merely a nice shirt and leather pants, but James got the impression that Roy could pull off almost anything. He had dark bangs almost hiding his equally dark eyes. When the man leaned back muscles rippled under his skin as the shirt was stretched over his chest.

"Thank you," Roy smirked. "So what are you military boys doing here?"

We've been temporarily transferred for a training opportunity," Alex murmured.

"Oh?" Roy said. "What kind of training opportunity?"

Chris grinned. "We're being put under the command of General Mustang, the Flame Alchemist."

"Yes," James said giving Roy an anxious smile. "We're all pretty nervous. He's apparently famous."

"Apparently?" Roy smirked again. "Why don't you sound too sure about that?"

"Well," Jon said while giving the man a flirtatious smile. "He's in our history books and such, and he's supposed to be pretty famous, but everyone in our training group are from small towns that don't get much of any outside contact." Roy hummed noncommittally, and Jon went on.

"So, he's pretty famous for us to hear about him, but most of what we hear are rumours, and we don't actually know that much about him, so we try not to make assumptions."

"A wise decision," Roy said.

"The fifth member of the group that was sent here practically worships the poor guy," Chris said.

"Do you not like the other member of your group?" Roy asked.

James shrugged. "Not really. I'm not gonna speak badly of him while he's not here to at least defend himself, but none of us like him."

Roy sipped his drink before raising an eyebrow at them all. "Why don't you like him?"

"We don't get along and disagree often," Alex said, almost whispering. "I don't like how he acts towards superior officers and I wish he would calm down sometimes."

"But we don't wanna speak ill of the guy," Chris interjected. "He's at least smart enough to get here, right?"

And speak of the devil, there was a sudden ruckus near the front of the door and Jason walked in. The four cadets all sighed. They didn't want to deal with him, and if they were lucky he wouldn't notice them, but none of them held out too much hope.

James nodded towards Jason and Roy glanced over his shoulder at him as James talked. "That's Jason. I hope he doesn't get too bothersome."

Roy shrugged. "As long as he doesn't hurt any of the girls or boys, Madame Christmas shouldn't get too bothered. Although, if he does get too loud he will be asked to leave."

They all nodded in understanding, and James finally asked the million dollar question. "So why are you here, Roy? You don't seem like a prostitute. I mean, no offense, but I've met prostitutes and you don't act like them."

Instead of a proper reply, Roy's entire demeanor suddenly shifted. Alex couldn't quite place his finger on it, but suddenly everyone noticed him. It wasn't exactly the same way someone would notice a prostitute, but it was eye catching enough that people turned and looked at him, before seeing the people around him and slumping in disappointment. Jon and Alex's eyes were suddenly glued to Roy, and even Chris looked him up and down.

It was incredible, and in moments he was suddenly just Roy again. It was a flicker of something incredible poured into several moments in time, and it was beautiful. The only problem was that it had also caught the attention of a certain disrespectful cadet. James saw Jason quickly finish the conversation with the prostitute whose look of relief told James everything. Jason slumped in his seat slightly and the rest of the cadets all tensed up.

Roy frowned at them, glancing at Jason as he came over to their table. James sighed wearily as Jason stopped at the edge of the booth, and with no regard for personal space jumped over Jon and almost landed in Roy's lap as he took the little space between Roy and Jon.

He sneered at the other cadets before getting even further into Roy's face. "Hey, pretty one. Why are you hanging out with this group of idiots?" Roy raised an eyebrow at Jason, who kept speaking, uncaring if his audience cared or not.

Spoiler alert: None of them did. Going by Roy's expression, he didn't either.

Jason expression as he looked at Roy was not that of a man who wanted simply to brag, regardless of his next words. "I bet these guys already told you, but I got into Mustang's command! It's only for a few months, and then we have a test, which I'm going to pass with flying colors, unlike these stupid idiots."

"Is that so," Roy murmured, and James had to admire the bland expression he managed to keep despite giving off the "I really could not possibly care less if I tried" vibes.

"Though I gotta say," James went on. "If the rumours aren't lying-"

"As they generally do," Roy muttered.

"Then Mustang is the kind of commander I wouldn't mind being under, if you know what I mean."

They all know what he meant, and James was pretty sure that if he tried to use that line on the General himself, he was going to be clean in toilets for a month. James kind of hoped he did.

James barely managed to restrain himself from growling as he glared at Jason. "Leave, please. We're trying to have a conversation."

The other cadets all chimed in their agreement, all glaring at Jason, but he ignored them and turned to look at Roy properly, the leer still firmly in place. "Hey, pretty boy," he said as Roy rolled his eyes. "Wanna help me celebrate?"

James felt rage as Jason leaned even closer and purred. "I bet I could pay you real nice for your time. I bet that you're real good, too. Everyone that works here is meant to be the best of the best. So why don't I take you upstairs and-"

"I would rather have sex with a three head snake with STDs while on fire than have sex with you," Jason fell silent at Roy's words as everyone within earshot turned to stare at Roy in stunned silence. He couldn't be sure, but he thought that a few of Madam Christmas' girls had proud smiles on their faces.

The amazed silence was broken by Jason snarling at Roy. "You're a whore! You should be happy to take my money!"

Rage overcame James and all the other cadets as they half stood up in their chairs and started to growl at him to kindly go find a hole to rot in. Sadly they did not get a chance to tell Jason this, because Roy took matters into his own hands.

Roy's glare would have frozen ice. When he spoke, his voice would have made James' drill sergeants cry in shame and fear. "Leave. Now. Or need I bring Madam Christmas over here to tell you herself?"

James would never have expected that to work, but Jason went white as a sheet and nodded. He muttered 'excuse me' to Jon and quickly left the brothel.

They all turned to stare at Roy for a moment, before Chris whistled. "That was more effective than all of our drill sergeants combined. How'd you do that?"

Roy smiled at him, and ignored him. "Earlier you mentioned that you had heard some rumours surrounding General Mustang. What were they?"

James was a bit confounded by the sudden subject change, but figured it didn't matter. "There were many of them that we were told before we left. There's the one that he used to sleep with Colonel Maes Hughes."

Roy sipped his drink and smirked. "What do you think of that one?"

Chris shrugged. "Well, they've apparently both been consenting adults since they met, right? And the rumour is 'used to.' And seeing as Colonel Hughes is married, I wouldn't think they're still together, but other than that what does it matter? It might not be true, and since they've apparently stopped there's nothing wrong."

James nodded his agreement and turned the question on Roy.

"I believe that there's is either truth or fear to all rumours," Roy said. "And since this one harms neither party, I'd say truth. They're probably good friends and maybe they've slept together before, but stopped after the Colonel got married. Or maybe they never slept together at all," he shrugged. "That's between them "

The cadets all agreed with him and they moved onto the next rumour.

"I've heard that he's sleeping with the Fullmetal Alchemist," Alex's gentle, quiet voice informed them.

"The part that scares me about that one," James growled. "Is where he has apparently been sleeping with him since he joined at 12."

Roy tilted his head at James. "How do you know that that is true?"

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't, and since I'm going to be working under him I don't want to think the worst, but not all commanding officers are so nice about things like that. I don't want to get my hopes up."

"That," Roy said. "Is a very good point. If it gives you any consolation, I don't think that one is true. The sleeping with the Fullmetal Alchemist part, maybe. But from what I've heard about General Mustang, I don't think he would sleep with a 12 year old."

James eyed Roy for a minute before sighing. "You're right. Anyway I don't know him, so I shouldn't judge."

Jon spoke up for a moment before giving the next rumour. "You look like you would be amazing in bed, Roy. Would you like to join me after we're done here?"

The comment lightened the mood and they all burst out laughing.

Jon leaned towards Roy, a sly grin growing on his face. "Is it true," he asked. "that General Mustang occasionally comes to work in a dress?"

James blinked at Jon for a moment, because that was one rumour that he had not heard of. To his surprise, Roy threw his head back and laughed. It was a nice laugh, but none if the cadets knew what was so funny.

"Stay long enough and you'll find out," Roy smiled knowingly. "Next rumour."

They all started complaining about how unfair that was while Roy sipped his drink and waited.

James had always hated the next rumour, but he had to ask. "The next one is my least favourite," James said solemnly. "Do you know if it'd true that General Mustang performed sexual acts for some of his superiors when he was of a lower rank?"

"What is the basis of this rumour?" Roy asked, suddenly very serious.

"He rose in the ranks very quickly for someone of his age," James said. "And I have to include this rumour in our particular questionnaire because as much as I'd like to say that he would never do that, even powerful alchemists have to follow orders if they want to get somewhere and not all commanding officers are nice."

"What makes you think that he wouldn't do that?" Roy asked.

James frowned. "That wasn't exactly what I meant by that statement, but it's that if he could be brought to heel and do something like that, then the commanding officers could do it to others, right?" James shrugged. "There's also something fundamentally wrong with the idea of someone so powerful doing that. Because he's the Flame Alchemist. His alchemy is godlike in strength, isn't it? So it is wrong to see this godlike man be brought low before a mere mortal."

"I can see where you're going with this," Roy said. "But anyone can be brought low if it is for their beliefs."

"So you think it's true?" Jon asked in horror.

"What did I say about rumours based in fear?" Roy chided. "This young man rises in rank very quickly and makes Lieutenant Colonel by 27 and Colonel by 28, and became a General at 29? How else could anyone possible rise so quickly except for sex? So while the rumour may be true, it could also be based in fear of one young man's power."

For the first time since they had started talking, James felt that he could truly appreciate the intellect behind those dark eyes. He had said so many intelligent things that night, but James could almost feel the truth behind his word here. Whether the rumour was true or not was irrelevant. It was based in fear, and maybe one of Mustang's former superior officers wanting to ruin him.

After that the conversation turned a little more light-hearted. Soon it was late enough that they felt they should leave before risking being late to report in tomorrow.

Roy stood up and shook all of their hands as they prepared to leave. Jon gave Roy a sultry smile. "Are you sure you don't want to stay with me tonight? I'm sure I could make it worth your while."

"I thought we'd already established that I'm not a prostitute," Roy said, and they all laughed. "In all seriousness, I have get up early for my job tomorrow and can't stay up too late. And I have a boyfriend."

At that they all waved their goodbyes and the four cadets left the brothel. Roy smiled after them before heading to the bar if the mostly empty room. Almost all of the real patrons had gone up with whoever they were spending the night with and the room had really cleared out.

Roy Mustang sat down in front of his foster mother and smiled. "That was fun."

Chris Mustang took a drag of her pipe and blew out a stream of smoke. "I would love to see their faces when they walk into your office tomorrow morning, Roy-Boy."

"I can hardly wait myself," Roy smirked. "Especially the one that called me a whore." His eyes were bright with humour as he looked at his mother. "He apparently worships the ground I walk on, and then he goes and calls me a whore. Children these days."

They laughed together for a bit before Madam Christmas sent him to bed. "You're getting up bright and earlier if you really want my help, Roy-Boy, so you better get some sleep."

"Of course, Madam," Roy said. He grabbed his jacket and walked upstairs to the room that had never really stopped being his.

* * *

What the cadets hadn't understood, Roy mused as he made his way to Hughes office, was that all of the rumours that they had asked him about had some truth to them. He had indeed slept with Hughes a few times when they were in the academy. Nothing serious, but they were teenage boys.

Roy was currently sleeping with Fullmetal. They hadn't been sleeping together for the longest time because Roy was his commanding officer and there were rules about that. When Ed requested a transfer to Hughes' department, he had created the perfect loophole, since Roy worked with Hughes constantly.

The one about him having performed sexual acts to rise in rank were partially true. Roy loathed remembering it, but he had never done it to rise in rank. It was simply difficult to say no to your commanding officer when they could ruin your life with a single word. When Hughes occasionally found Roy staring at himself in the bathroom mirror hating himself, he didn't ask questions. He merely shoved pictures in Roy's face, not asking why he was suddenly starving when he has eaten less than an hour ago, right before his meeting with a certain General, and why he had been brushing his teeth hard enough to make his gums bleed.

He especially did not ask when Roy conveniently found an anonymous tip saying that a few of Roy's superiors had been abusing their authority to make their subordinates do sexual acts.

No, Roy did not like thinking about it.

The last rumour that the cadets had mentioned had made him laugh so hard because it was only a rumour if you had not stuck around a command for a month or two.

"Is it true that he occasionally comes to work in a dress?"

Roy's favourite thing to do was mess with people. There was nothing funnier than making someone stare at him in shock because he had taken societal norms and flipped them on their head. Or when he talked to people about Roy Mustang before they realized that they were talking to Roy Mustang.

Hence the reason Roy was currently listening to the occasional shocked gasp as he walked down the hall in a silver dress with a deep blue corset and deep blue heels. It was a lovely dress that Madam Christmas had had made for him.

When female officers had first joined the military, they had made a rule that officers could wear a dress to work as long as they had their uniform jacket with their ranks and such on it, or if the required items were worked into the dress.

Madam Christmas knew an excellent tailor who was more than willing to stitch a few stars and stripes onto a dress and corset for a generous amount of money. So Roy had taken advantage of the fact that there was nothing in the rule about the gender of the officer.

Madam Christmas had been downright gleeful to help Roy when he had told her his plan. So Roy walked into Central Command looking beautiful.

Roy walked into his best friend's office, as usual. The first time he had done this, Hughes had laughed so hard that Roy had thought he was going to rupture something. Then he had demanded pictures of people's faces when they saw Roy in a dress.

"Morning, Maes," Roy said as he walked into the office.

"Morning, Roy," Maes said from behind a mountain of paperwork.

Roy sat down in the chair in front of Maes' desk (gently, so his mother didn't murder him for ruining this dress) and leaned on one glove-covered hand. "I had a very entertaining evening."

"Seeing as Fullmetal is out of town," Maes mumbled around a pen cap, "I must wonder what that means."

"I saw five very familiar cadets at my mother's place," Roy smirked.

At that, Maes looked, nodding in approval at the dress. "Did you bother telling these cadets your last name?"

"Now why would I do that?" Roy's innocent voice had never been very convincing. "But four of them were very willing to defend my honor from the fifth. Even if one of the four asked to sleep with me on multiple occasions."

Maes laughed. "I'll bet their expressions will be priceless."

Roy snorted. "Especially since the fifth one called me a whore," he said, and Maes winced. "I have to get to the station to pick up Fullmetal."

"Do you have time to look at pictures of my beautiful Elysia?" Maes gushed.

"No, actually," Roy said, nearly sprinting for the door. "Sorry!"

* * *

James did his best to keep his expression very bland as Jason went on about how much everyone but him and General Mustang sucked. He had gotten used to tuning out Jason's voice, but that didn't mean that it was any less grating.

"The rest of you rude fools-" Jason was saying, but James finally snapped. Quietly, and politely, yes, but it was still snapping.

"If we are so rude, might I ask why you were the one who kicked out of a brothel for not knowing what the word "no" means?" James asked in a voice as cold as space.

"The whore merely didn't appreciate persistence," Jason said, and James sighed.

"You mean annoyance," James said.

Jason opened his mouth to argue, but not only were Jon, Chris, and Alex glaring at him, but James was knocking on the door to Mustang's office. A woman's voice told them to come in. James gave the others a confused look and walked in.

The office was nothing like he had expected. There were two long tables pushed together to be used as work spaces and four people sitting at the work space. The sole woman raised an eyebrow at them and James stepped forward.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but we're looking for General Mustang? We were told to report in by noon today," James told her.

"We've been expecting you," the woman said before nodding at a door on the wall to their left. "His office is right there. He's currently with Fullmetal, so ignore the angry shouting and knock."

James smiled in thanks and led the way to the door before knocking on it. (He was slightly surprised that Jason hadn't fought him for the right to do so.)

The shouting died down for a moment before a strangely familiar voice told them to come in.

James walked inside, and only his training kept him from freezing where he was and staring. As his friends followed him in, he suspected that it was exactly the same way for them.

Jason, however, froze and stared at the man behind the desk.

James could understand, because sitting behind the desk, wearing what looked like a dress and corset, was Roy. The same Roy he had been talking to last night at the brothel. The same Roy that Jason had called a whore and Jon had asked to sleep with.

General Roy Mustang. How could James possibly have missed that?

"Good morning, cadets," Mustang said as he stood. He walked around the desk and stood at ease in front of the cadets, his dress swishing around his ankles. "I'm General Mustang, and sitting on the couch behind you is Colonel Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Cadet Jones, would you please stop staring and stand at attention? The rest of you, at ease."

Jason quickly stood at ease with the rest of the cadets, earning a glare from the General. "I said at attention, Cadet Jones. Unless you have developed a hearing problem?"

Jason quickly stood at attention, and Mustang turned his attention to the other cadets. "It's pleasure to meet you all properly."

Chris took the hand that Mustang had extended and shook it. "You're makeup is very well done, sir."

Mustang smirked at him and moved on to shake James' hand. He noticed with a jolt that the man's nails were painted. He barely heard himself comment on it, shocked as he was. They were very well done, and James was slightly surprised that the man would bother.

By the time James realized he had said something, Mustang had moved on to shake Alex's hand. Even shy Alex had to comment on the man's heels. They were very nice dark blue heels that Mustang walked in as if they were flats. It was very impressive.

Jon, of course, was the one who should have gotten them in trouble. James was almost certain that it was only Mustang's personality that saved them.

"Your dress and corset are very nice, sir," Jon said, before looking Mustang up and down. Then he met Mustang's eyes, gave him a thumbs up, and winked.

James expected Mustang to shout at Jon, but to his surprise the man merely smirked. Then the man turned to Jason, who sit stood at attention.

"At ease, cadet," Mustang told him, and Jason stood very carefully at ease. James could actually seen the man sweating.

Mustang didn't even mention last night to him, and James was almost disappointed. He talked to Jason very easily and politely, and it took a moment for James to realize what Mustang was doing.

A smile spread across his face as he realized that this man was a genius. Jason looked as if he were about to wet himself in terror. He was sweating as if he had just run three miles, and his eyes were wide with terror.

And Mustang was only smiling and being polite. After a few minutes, Jason started to relax, perhaps believing that Mustang didn't remember. Then Mustang smirked and stepped back.

"You are too far beneath me to be even considered 'under' me," Mustang said, and Jason went pale again.

A few months later, Chris, Jon, Alex, and James passed this test with flying colors.

Jason was arrested for sexual harassment at a bar two weeks in. Mustang, they had all learned, did not screw around.

James had to laugh at Jon and Alex, because it turned out that Mustang wore a dress at least once a month and those two always stared at their commanding officer as if he held the secrets of the universe when he did.


End file.
